When I heard that Tom was deploying in Jan. 2009, my heart crumbled. Would he be the same man he was when he came back, that I knew and loved in Hawaii when we first met? Would be still love me even though we're oceans apart? Would we be able to talk at all?
As the deployment went on the answers to my questions started to come; yes he still loves me even though we're oceans apart. We can still talk but it's not like before where we could talk for 5-10 hours a night, now we get 5-30 minutes a week (if we're lucky). I do not know if he's the same man that I fell into love with, he isnt home yet. While on leave though his mother and I noticed some anger problems but that could be for a lot of different reasons.
When he was on leave he felt helpless; he's trained to protect, fight and be there for his friends. I asked him the other day why he likes to volunteer so much. He answered "I volunteer so much because I like to know what is going on, I cannot just sit back and watch. I have to be able to help them if something happens."
As the deployment is continuing I have realized a lot of things about myself, Tom, love, honesty, trust, and Faith. Without love you cannot have a relationship, the key to any relationship is communication. In my past relationships the communication aspect of the relationship fell apart, there was no communication. Now that Tom and I are oceans away we need communication more than ever. We both have come a long way on communicating and it's helping a lot of things. Honesty and trust have to be there too; he has to trust me that I will not cheat or that he will not cheat while he's over there. He has to trust me that I am being honest to him and I have to trust that he's being honest. Faith; I have never prayed so long, so much or as often now than ever. I pray for his safety, his arrival home, for the strength of him and his company, for the wisdom of the company and him.
Deployment is hard, it's long, it's rough and it does suck. My friend reassures me that "it's only a few months out of a lifetime." She is helping me a lot; Stephanie and Jackie are both helping a lot. I've only talked to them for about a week or so but they've taught me a lot about friendship and how to handle the deployment. Thank you ladies!
He loves Iraq, he loves being a soldier. He is not sure if he will re-enlist or if he will get out of the Army in May of 2011, whatever he does...I support him. He needs to know that I love and support him no matter what. I try to write as often as possible, I try to send care packages and I try to do my best. When he calls...I leave the room so I can give him my fullest attention. What else can I do?
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