While Tom is deployed I do not leave my cell phone without reach. If I go to the restroom, it's in my hand. If I go to the gas station it's in my hand. Some people look at me as if I am a cell phone junkie because it's always with me no matter what time it is or where I go. Some ask; what happens if you miss a phone call. I look at them and say, "Then I will go another week without contact."
Techonology is an amazing thing, how did the WW1 and WW2 girlfriends and wives do it? Old fashion writing, yes I know. I write Tom almost every night before going to bed, it takes so long for a letter to be mailed across an ocean so deep and wide. I thank the Lord for cell phones, for computers, for instant messaging programs. Before Tom had his leave from Iraq, we were able to talk on Yahoo IM and see each other on webcam. To see him safe with all 10 fingers and all 10 toes, it was an amazing feeling.
To see his smile and the look in his eyes when we talked is an amazing feeling. I haven't seen him physically since May 21st, the last time I saw him he was going down an escaltor as I was in secruity checkpoint at the airport. How I wish he could of waited with me, it would of just made it harder I believe. I haven't seen him on webcam since his leave, when he was in CT waiting to fly me out. How I miss those nights of staying up late, how I miss the pain in my cheeks from smiling and laughing with him.
I received a phone call from him Wednesday morning at 1019, it was one minute and forty-five seconds long. Under two minutes!!! Hopefully the next phone call will be longer but I am blessed I was able to hear the comfort of his voice for that short of time. When I see the strange military number come on my cell phone ID I get butterflies of love and then I know he's safe! I pick up and I get the biggest smile ever as I answer "hello." and he says "hello my love." it's the best three words any soldiers girl can dream of.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Can I do this?
He left on Jan 4, 2009. It's June 22, 2009...it's been tough. Rough, tough and sometimes extremely hard. How can we, as women, do this? We are extremely emotional ladies...are we special? When we fell into love with our soldier...the last thing we wanted to hear was the word deployment.
When I think of deployment I picture Tom walking around in some desert looking for a bomb that could end his life! It's what he does, he looks for bombs then properly sets them off. When I think of deployment I pray that God watches over him on missions, heck now even when he sleeps at his base with the attack on the base in Afghanistan. Deployments suck!!!
I'm laying on my bed, crying my eyes out! It's Sunday, he always calls on Sunday! He hasnt called yet....it's been almost a week. A WEEK! I know my friend's boyfriend is in the Navy and they are out doing something right now and will not be able to have contact for TWO MONTHS!! I can hardly stand a week let alone a whole 60+ days!!
How can we do this kind of thing? Sometimes I wish I had children to help speed up the process of deployment...or to at least make it go by faster. But tonight as I was folding my laundry I realized if I had kids, I'd have to be soo strong...stronger than I am already. Would I be able to do that?
After Iraq it could be Afghanistan...then what South Korea? Uggggh.
Ladies..be strong. We will get through this..together!
When I think of deployment I picture Tom walking around in some desert looking for a bomb that could end his life! It's what he does, he looks for bombs then properly sets them off. When I think of deployment I pray that God watches over him on missions, heck now even when he sleeps at his base with the attack on the base in Afghanistan. Deployments suck!!!
I'm laying on my bed, crying my eyes out! It's Sunday, he always calls on Sunday! He hasnt called yet....it's been almost a week. A WEEK! I know my friend's boyfriend is in the Navy and they are out doing something right now and will not be able to have contact for TWO MONTHS!! I can hardly stand a week let alone a whole 60+ days!!
How can we do this kind of thing? Sometimes I wish I had children to help speed up the process of deployment...or to at least make it go by faster. But tonight as I was folding my laundry I realized if I had kids, I'd have to be soo strong...stronger than I am already. Would I be able to do that?
After Iraq it could be Afghanistan...then what South Korea? Uggggh.
Ladies..be strong. We will get through this..together!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The first thoughts of deployment...
When I heard that Tom was deploying in Jan. 2009, my heart crumbled. Would he be the same man he was when he came back, that I knew and loved in Hawaii when we first met? Would be still love me even though we're oceans apart? Would we be able to talk at all?
As the deployment went on the answers to my questions started to come; yes he still loves me even though we're oceans apart. We can still talk but it's not like before where we could talk for 5-10 hours a night, now we get 5-30 minutes a week (if we're lucky). I do not know if he's the same man that I fell into love with, he isnt home yet. While on leave though his mother and I noticed some anger problems but that could be for a lot of different reasons.
When he was on leave he felt helpless; he's trained to protect, fight and be there for his friends. I asked him the other day why he likes to volunteer so much. He answered "I volunteer so much because I like to know what is going on, I cannot just sit back and watch. I have to be able to help them if something happens."
As the deployment is continuing I have realized a lot of things about myself, Tom, love, honesty, trust, and Faith. Without love you cannot have a relationship, the key to any relationship is communication. In my past relationships the communication aspect of the relationship fell apart, there was no communication. Now that Tom and I are oceans away we need communication more than ever. We both have come a long way on communicating and it's helping a lot of things. Honesty and trust have to be there too; he has to trust me that I will not cheat or that he will not cheat while he's over there. He has to trust me that I am being honest to him and I have to trust that he's being honest. Faith; I have never prayed so long, so much or as often now than ever. I pray for his safety, his arrival home, for the strength of him and his company, for the wisdom of the company and him.
Deployment is hard, it's long, it's rough and it does suck. My friend reassures me that "it's only a few months out of a lifetime." She is helping me a lot; Stephanie and Jackie are both helping a lot. I've only talked to them for about a week or so but they've taught me a lot about friendship and how to handle the deployment. Thank you ladies!
He loves Iraq, he loves being a soldier. He is not sure if he will re-enlist or if he will get out of the Army in May of 2011, whatever he does...I support him. He needs to know that I love and support him no matter what. I try to write as often as possible, I try to send care packages and I try to do my best. When he calls...I leave the room so I can give him my fullest attention. What else can I do?
As the deployment went on the answers to my questions started to come; yes he still loves me even though we're oceans apart. We can still talk but it's not like before where we could talk for 5-10 hours a night, now we get 5-30 minutes a week (if we're lucky). I do not know if he's the same man that I fell into love with, he isnt home yet. While on leave though his mother and I noticed some anger problems but that could be for a lot of different reasons.
When he was on leave he felt helpless; he's trained to protect, fight and be there for his friends. I asked him the other day why he likes to volunteer so much. He answered "I volunteer so much because I like to know what is going on, I cannot just sit back and watch. I have to be able to help them if something happens."
As the deployment is continuing I have realized a lot of things about myself, Tom, love, honesty, trust, and Faith. Without love you cannot have a relationship, the key to any relationship is communication. In my past relationships the communication aspect of the relationship fell apart, there was no communication. Now that Tom and I are oceans away we need communication more than ever. We both have come a long way on communicating and it's helping a lot of things. Honesty and trust have to be there too; he has to trust me that I will not cheat or that he will not cheat while he's over there. He has to trust me that I am being honest to him and I have to trust that he's being honest. Faith; I have never prayed so long, so much or as often now than ever. I pray for his safety, his arrival home, for the strength of him and his company, for the wisdom of the company and him.
Deployment is hard, it's long, it's rough and it does suck. My friend reassures me that "it's only a few months out of a lifetime." She is helping me a lot; Stephanie and Jackie are both helping a lot. I've only talked to them for about a week or so but they've taught me a lot about friendship and how to handle the deployment. Thank you ladies!
He loves Iraq, he loves being a soldier. He is not sure if he will re-enlist or if he will get out of the Army in May of 2011, whatever he does...I support him. He needs to know that I love and support him no matter what. I try to write as often as possible, I try to send care packages and I try to do my best. When he calls...I leave the room so I can give him my fullest attention. What else can I do?
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The first thoughts of love...
When I fell into love with my boyfriend Tom; it was over the phone. Yes, the phone! Tom had picked up the phone from his friend (who had passed out drunk) and then Tom and I talked for numerous hours straight (probably around 8). I for one hate telephones as we kept talking I found out that he hated telephones as well. We kept talking; in the first three hours he knew more about me than any of my previous boyfriends had ever known.
I know Tom is a soldier, a proud American Soldier in the United States Army. What I did not know is how fast I fell into love with Tom. At first the whole soldier sweeping a girl off her feet was romantic, then it was reality, then it was scary!
We kept talking and texting on our cell phones for another week, then I booked a flight and hotel for Hawaii for about a week. I flew the long 12 hour (total time) flight to see him. I landed in Hawaii around 5pm (midnight est). I settled into my hotel room and waited for a day to past.
Finally the day came where I would meet Tom face to face. Sure we've seen pictures, talked on the phone, even said "I love you" to each other but we had never been face to face. Final formation came and he called me stating he was on his way to the hotel and he'd meet me outside. The butterflies started to gather in my stomach, a million thoughts running through my mind and my heart started beating. I hung up the phone and ran into the bathroom, freshened up and ran the brush through my brown hair. "This is it" I said outloud. Forty-Five minutes later he called, "I'm outside the hotel".
I looked in the mirror, not to see myself but just to see...I stood there for a good two minutes and just looked. I didnt look at my hair, I didnt look at my eyes, I didnt look at my butt, I didnt look at my smile...I just looked. I snapped back into reality and went to the main floor of the hotel, outside and to our meeting spot.
I saw him! He was wearing his ACU's, had his Army backpack on his back and was walking towards me. He had a smile plastered to his face, oh how perfect his teeth are. The sparkle in his eyes, the kindness in his voice. He was walking closer, closer and closer...was this a dream! Oh thank goodness it wasnt.
I asked "Am I allowed to hug you while you're in uniform." He said "yes beautiful." We HUGGGED! For the first time, we held each other in our arms. It was perfect; he didnt squeeze too hard but it was a nice firm much needed hug! I let go and smiled the biggest smile I could ever smile, then we walked to the hotel room.
He changed out of his ACU's and into "normal" clothes, we walked along the ocean holding hands. He kept glancing at me, I kept glancing at him. We laughd, talked, smiled and walked the night away. He kept wanting to kiss me, knowing I have never been kissed...he didn't push it though. We then headed back to the hotel room.
Within minutes I was given my first kiss. Yes, at the age of 21...Tom was my first kiss. I love him and I want to marry him. He knows this and wants this too.
Love will let you do some crazy things, it will keep you out of danger or bring you to danger to protect; all I know is I love Tom with all my heart.
The second I heard his voice...I knew I was complete...Tom, thank you for picking up the phone.
I know Tom is a soldier, a proud American Soldier in the United States Army. What I did not know is how fast I fell into love with Tom. At first the whole soldier sweeping a girl off her feet was romantic, then it was reality, then it was scary!
We kept talking and texting on our cell phones for another week, then I booked a flight and hotel for Hawaii for about a week. I flew the long 12 hour (total time) flight to see him. I landed in Hawaii around 5pm (midnight est). I settled into my hotel room and waited for a day to past.
Finally the day came where I would meet Tom face to face. Sure we've seen pictures, talked on the phone, even said "I love you" to each other but we had never been face to face. Final formation came and he called me stating he was on his way to the hotel and he'd meet me outside. The butterflies started to gather in my stomach, a million thoughts running through my mind and my heart started beating. I hung up the phone and ran into the bathroom, freshened up and ran the brush through my brown hair. "This is it" I said outloud. Forty-Five minutes later he called, "I'm outside the hotel".
I looked in the mirror, not to see myself but just to see...I stood there for a good two minutes and just looked. I didnt look at my hair, I didnt look at my eyes, I didnt look at my butt, I didnt look at my smile...I just looked. I snapped back into reality and went to the main floor of the hotel, outside and to our meeting spot.
I saw him! He was wearing his ACU's, had his Army backpack on his back and was walking towards me. He had a smile plastered to his face, oh how perfect his teeth are. The sparkle in his eyes, the kindness in his voice. He was walking closer, closer and closer...was this a dream! Oh thank goodness it wasnt.
I asked "Am I allowed to hug you while you're in uniform." He said "yes beautiful." We HUGGGED! For the first time, we held each other in our arms. It was perfect; he didnt squeeze too hard but it was a nice firm much needed hug! I let go and smiled the biggest smile I could ever smile, then we walked to the hotel room.
He changed out of his ACU's and into "normal" clothes, we walked along the ocean holding hands. He kept glancing at me, I kept glancing at him. We laughd, talked, smiled and walked the night away. He kept wanting to kiss me, knowing I have never been kissed...he didn't push it though. We then headed back to the hotel room.
Within minutes I was given my first kiss. Yes, at the age of 21...Tom was my first kiss. I love him and I want to marry him. He knows this and wants this too.
Love will let you do some crazy things, it will keep you out of danger or bring you to danger to protect; all I know is I love Tom with all my heart.
The second I heard his voice...I knew I was complete...Tom, thank you for picking up the phone.
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